


just give me some time to borrow

by alexanger



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, long distance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 17:04:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanger/pseuds/alexanger
Summary: Alex fixates on the miracle of touch, the miracle of closeness, as he squeezes Aaron’s hand in his.or: another long-distance fic.





	just give me some time to borrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamburr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr/gifts).



They meet for the first time at the airport. It isn’t exactly what Alex had imagined - he and Aaron don’t run towards each other or sweep each other off their feet or anything like that. Instead, Aaron walks a little faster, and Alex bounces a bit on the balls of his feet. They could be anyone to each other.

    Then Aaron comes close and the first thing Alex notices is that he smells really good. Like, _really_ good. Like, weirdly good, considering he’s been sitting on a plane for seven hours.

    “Did you stop to put on cologne?” Alex asks.

    Aaron makes a face. “Did you _smell_ me?”

    “Is that a yes?”

    “Listen -”

    Alex laughs. “You totally did, don’t even try that. You _want_ me to smell you.”

    Aaron can’t help but giggle a little. It’s a thin, nervous sound, and Alex wonders if there’s butterflies in his chest too. “First impressions are important. And I’m never going to forget that the first thing you said to me face-to-face was ‘did you put on cologne?’”

    “Well,” says Alex, “I wasn’t wrong. Come on, let’s head back to my place.”

    “Okay,” says Aaron. He readjusts his backpack on his shoulders and hauls his rolling suitcase behind him as Alex leads the way to the train.

    “It’s, like, a good forty minutes or so,” he says apologetically. “So, you know, you’re going from sitting on a plane to sitting on a train and then probably to sitting on my couch, which is a lot of sitting. Unless you want to go for a walk once we get home.”

    “Home?” Aaron asks.

    Alex feels his face go warm. “To my place,” he corrects himself. Aaron’s lips curl at the corners.

    “A walk might be nice,” he says.

    “We could go out somewhere nice for dinner,” Alex suggests. “There’s this great sushi place really close to my apartment.”

    “Yeah,” says Aaron. “Okay. That sounds good to me. I’ll need to change and stuff first.”

    “Of course,” says Alex.

    The pair board the train towards Alex’s neighbourhood. They manage to find a pair of seats next to each other, and then they sit in semi-awkward silence until Alex blurts out, “can I hold your hand?”

    Aaron looks surprised. “I thought you’d never ask,” he says after a moment, and he puts his hand in Alex’s. Alex fixates on the miracle of touch, the miracle of closeness, as he squeezes Aaron’s hand in his. Aaron has nice hands. They’re long-fingered and graceful, the hands of an artist or a musician.

    “I missed you,” says Alex.

    Aaron makes a face. The train pulls away from the station and for a moment Aaron is transfixed, looking at the fields the train is passing through.

    “It’s just fields for a few stops, then we get into the city proper,” says Alex.

    “That doesn’t make sense,” Aaron says.

    “What? Why? There’s a lot of land out here that hasn’t been bought up yet, and some other plots that just haven’t had any development done. You know how it is in the ‘burbs -”

    “No, not that,” says Aaron. “What do you mean you _missed_ me?”

    Alex shrugs. He takes his time, rolling words over in his mind, and finally says, “I dunno. Do you ever get that feeling of missing something you never had? It’s this, you know, this achey feeling. Like, sometimes I get the feeling of being homesick, even when I’m at home. Do you understand what I’m talking about? Is this making any sense?”

    Aaron nods slowly. “I think I get it, yeah.”

    “So - you know. I missed you. Doesn’t matter that this is the first time we’re seeing each other,” Alex says.

    “That’s gay,” says Aaron helpfully.

    Alex just laughs. “Super gay,” he says.

    Aaron hums. He moves a little, pauses, then leans his head against Alex’s shoulder.

    “I guess I missed you too,” he says, and Alex glows.

 

* * *

 

    “So here’s the living room,” says Alex, as he shows Aaron into his apartment. “It’s also the dining room, by which I mean usually I just eat in front of the TV. There’s the kitchen over there,” he adds, gesturing vaguely, “and my bedroom just in there. And, you know, I only have the one bed - I know we talked about this before, but like, if you decide you’re not comfy sharing a bed with me, I’ll sleep out here, okay? Bedroom’s all yours.”

    “All mine? What will I do with this bounty of land that lies before me?” Aaron quips.

    Alex looks at the tiny apartment and adds, “bathroom is through the bedroom. Thanks for the snark, grouchy pants.”

    Aaron grins. It’s one of the biggest smiles Alex has ever seen from him - almost as big as the grin the first time they Skyped. “I’m really glad to be here, Alex,” he says. His voice is honey dripping thick from the comb, soft like cork, heavy and dark like mahogany. Alex feels as though he could sink into it and disappear.

    “I’m really glad you’re here,” says Alex. “If you want to get settled and stay for a while, we can turn on the TV, or we could, y’know, go get some dinner?”

    “Dinner sounds good. Give me a moment?” Aaron gestures at the bedroom. “I’m gonna change.”

    “Okay. Great,” says Alex. “Coolness. Rad. Take all the time you need.”

    Aaron smiles at him, crosses to the bedroom, and shuts the door behind. Alex sinks down onto the couch; his legs suddenly feel like they won’t support him.

    Something aches in him. He’d thought they’d both cry, that they’d run into each others’ arms and hold tight as if drowning. He’d thought there would be more. There’s time, of course - time for all the things he craves, the soft yield of Aaron’s lips, the slight curve of his hips against Alex’s hands, the whispers of adoration, the promises of forever. There’s time for all that and no sense rushing it.

    Alex stands. He paces. His legs are still a little shaky, but he manages just fine.

    There’s the click of the door opening. Aaron is dressed simply in grey jeans and a purple sweater over a white collared shirt, and for a moment Alex is speechless. Aaron is _gorgeous_.

    “You look really nice,” he manages.

    “Thanks,” says Aaron. Alex suddenly feels very self-conscious in his ratty sneakers and his plaid flannel shirt.

    “Should I change too, or -” He doesn’t finish the sentence, just lets it hang in the air between them.

    “You’re perfect. Let’s go get some food. I’m starved,” says Aaron.

    Alex snags his keys from where he’d tossed them on the little table beside the door and says, “after you, handsome.”

    Aaron leaves the apartment first. Alex can’t tear his eyes away and he misses the keyhole the first three times he tries to lock the door behind them. Finally he manages to lock up, and as he and Aaron make their way down the stairs, he asks again, “can I hold your hand?”

    “Here’s a suggestion,” says Aaron. “Just take my hand. Don’t bother asking.”

    “Well, I want to be careful about boundaries -”

    “Holding hands is always okay. If it’s not,” Aaron says, “I’ll tell you. Does that sound good?”

    Alex grins. “Yeah. Sounds good to me.” He takes Aaron’s hand again and there’s a moment of fumbling as they try to figure out just how their fingers fit together, and then everything slips perfectly into place and Alex is blown away again by the closeness. There’s so much intimacy just in such a simple touch and Alex, uncomfortably, realizes his body is reacting to it.

    He pushes the thoughts away. Sushi is what’s important at the moment, he reminds himself as they leave his building and he guides Aaron towards the little restaurant around the corner. Sushi, and then maybe some Netflix, and then a good night’s sleep because it’s already eight PM and Aaron must be exhausted from all the travelling he’s done.

    “How was the flight?” he asks.

    “Boring,” says Aaron. “I put the first two seasons of The Office on my tablet, though, so I wasn’t entirely bored. Better than sitting there and worrying.”

    “Worrying about what?” Alex asks. He opens the door of the restaurant for Aaron.

    As Aaron opens his mouth to respond, the waiter asks, “for two?” and Aaron turns to him instead and says, “yes, please.”

    They’re seated by the window. Alex loves that spot the most; he loves to look outside and watch people go by. “They have this sick sushi special,” he says. “It’s like six bucks for a full meal.”

    “I don’t believe you,” says Aaron, so Alex flips the menu and points out the sushi special.

“Six bucks,” he says.

    “$6.99,” corrects Aaron.

    “I’ll pay the extra dollar, then,” Alex tells him. “Fuck it, I’ll pay for the whole thing.”

    “Oh, shit, I’m gonna get something _way_ more expensive than the special, then,” says Aaron.

    It’s a lie. In the end, both of them order the special. They sit in silence, sipping on miso soup and avoiding looking at each other.

    “So, what were you worrying about?” Alex asks finally.

    “I was worried it would be - that you wouldn’t -” Aaron takes a deep breath. “I was worried you wouldn’t like me in person.”

    “I love you,” says Alex, as though that it’s the only necessary answer.

    “Yeah, but you don’t know me the same way you’d know me if we were dating in person. Like, six months online is great, six months anywhere is a big accomplishment, but in person -”

    “I’m blown away by you,” says Alex. “And I’m - worried about screwing stuff up with you. I’m worried about touch being too much or too little but that’s just ‘cause I’m a big awkward fucko. I’m worried that you won’t want to share the bed with me, and I’m worried that I’m gonna be really bad at kissing you -”

    “Why kissing me in particular?” Aaron asks.

    “I dunno, Aaron, you’re just a really pretty boy and it makes me nervous.” Alex puts his bowl of soup down and covers his face. “And you know how sometimes when you kiss people it’s just not super good? Like there isn’t that chemistry? And like I said I’m a big awkward fucko? That’s why.”

    “Hey.” Aaron reaches out and pulls his hands away from his face. “You, worrying like this? Kinda cute, but also not necessary. When the time is right you’re going to kiss me, and it’s going to be magical. Okay?”

    “If you say so. I -” Alex starts, but he’s cut off by the sushi arriving at their table. He moodily pours himself soy sauce, dunks a roll and shoves it in his mouth, and then mumbles through a mouthful of rice, “I just want everything to be perfect.”

    “You’re perfect,” says Aaron. “That’s enough.”

 

* * *

 

    “So, theoretically,” says Burr from the bathroom, “what if I slept in my binder?”

    “You might die, maybe,” says Alex, sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of loose boxers and a huge t-shirt. “Come on, Aaron, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I can show you my scars if it makes you feel better.”

    Aaron pokes his head around the bathroom door. “Yeah,” he says.

    Alex pulls off his t-shirt and gestures to the long scars across his chest. “Bam! War wounds.”

    Aaron giggles a little. “What war were you in?” he asks.

    “The war of oh shit, they’re stealing my titties. Come out and come to bed.”

    Aaron grumbles, but he comes out of the bathroom, his arms crossed over his chest. “I can’t wait for my surgery,” he says.

    “Yeah, it’s a pretty magical feeling. You get some body parts stolen, you wake up a couple pounds lighter, it’s a fun time, everything hurts like hell for a little bit. Did you know,” says Alex, “that you get drains in your chest? Like inside -”

    “Shut up,” says Aaron, putting his hand across Alex’s mouth. Alex licks his palm, prompting Aaron to yelp and wipe his hand on Alex’s stomach. “Gross,” he says.

    “You started it,” says Alex.

    “No, actually, _you_ started it, talking about drains -”

    “Oh, right, drains! So they go under your -”

    Aaron tackles him.

    Alex flops backward on the bed, giggling furiously, and Aaron takes his hands and wrestles them over his head. “Stop talking about drains,” he says.

    “You know,” says Alex, “this would be a really good time for you to kiss me.”

    Aaron makes a face, then climbs off of Alex and lays on his back beside him. “Come here,” he says, tugging at his hand. Alex rolls over and leans over Aaron, one hand cupping his cheek.

    “So can I -”

    “Talk less,” says Aaron. “Kiss me.”

    Alex leans down and kisses him softly. His heart skips as his lips press against Aaron’s. It’s soft and sweet and for a moment they’re a little out of sync but then Aaron turns his head and opens his mouth just a bit, and just like that, they fit perfectly together.

    Alex licks at Aaron’s bottom lip and Aaron pulls back - as much as he can with his head against the mattress - and says, “this is as far as I want to go tonight.”

    “As far as you want to go as in, stop?” asks Alex.

    “No,” says Aaron. “Like, I want to keep kissing you, but that’s all.”

    “Okay,” says Alex. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

    “Talk less,” Aaron repeats, and he puts a hand on the back of Alex’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss.

 

* * *

 

    Alex and Aaron sit on the train again, this time heading the opposite way.

    “A week isn’t enough,” says Alex.

    “No,” Aaron agrees.

    “Next time it’ll be longer,” Alex says. “It has to be.”

    “Maybe one day we won’t be borrowing time anymore,” says Aaron. “Maybe one day all I’ll have to do to see you is roll over in bed.”

    Alex squeezes Aaron’s hand. “When I come see you, can I stay for longer than a week?”

    “Stay two,” says Aaron.

    “Yes,” Alex agrees immediately.

    “Or three. Hell, a month. Stay forever,” Aaron continues.

    “Let’s start with two weeks,” Alex suggests, “and then next time we can discuss a month. Okay?”

    Aaron puts his head on Alex’s shoulder. “Okay. Two weeks it is.”

    Alex kisses the top of Aaron’s head. “Soon, baby,” he tells him.

    Aaron echoes it. “Soon.”

    It isn’t until Aaron has passed through the security doors at the airport that Alex begins to cry. He cries on his way out the door to the train, not caring that people can see him.

    He smiles a little, though, when he looks at his phone and sees a message from Aaron.

    _Counting the days, sweet boy. Miss you already._

    _Miss you too,_ he types back, as he gets on the train and heads for home. _Always miss you._

    _I love you,_ says Aaron.

    _Love you too. More than you can imagine,_ Alex sends.

    It’s back, that aching homesick feeling.

    Alex looks out the window at the open fields and thinks about a day, maybe, when all he’ll have to do is roll over in bed, and Aaron will be right there.

    And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be sooner than he thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are my reason for living. chat to me at [alexangery.tumblr.com](http://alexangery.tumblr.com)


End file.
